Last night I had one of those "why am I doing this?" moments. Clearly I don't know what I'm doing, and the book is weak. In my head, in its inchoate form, the book is massive and daring and fun and wonderful, but every step I take toward nailing it down and making it real also makes it weaker, milder, and terminally boring.

How can I get invested into something that I don't know will be good?

Sitting down to write. Feeling very nervous. My conception of this book has changed since I last tried to write it, and some of the main parts no longer appeal to me. I think I must focus on the one story that truly interests me and see if the form of the whole thing fits, well actually I need to not worry about that at all, and just write the damn thing. I can't let the characters leave my head, which they will do if I leave them for more than a day.

Hello, my first readers, My name is Christopher David Maxwell von Bismarck Knoecklein. I've started this blog for writing when I want to procrastinate writing the book. I worked on this book very occasionally in 2006-2007. It is not a novel. I'm not sure what it is. An attempt, an essay, something to do. If it turns out to be shit, a future no one can demonstrably rule out, I will cannibalize the good parts into my next book, my first novel, which I will attempt for this year's NANOWRIMO.

I'm terrified, naturally. This blog is going to be a safe place I can return to when writing the novel scares me. I am deathly afraid of my brain, its powers, and their consquences. I'm also afraid of exposure, judgement, and the shame that publication of writing opens me to. You may scoff at a sentence like that, but then you probably are not familiar with my writing.

This is my third attempt to blog. The first, Future Mythologies, was fun and successful, so of course I ran screaming and abandoned her. There is a story here I'm not telling. One of most dire consequences, terrible fear and pain, and incredible humor. My Huckleberry Finn moment. Not a story for my inauguration of a safe place.

The second is Schopenhauer's Veil which is my online private diary. I hope that none of you can read it. If you can, then it's a security breach and my identity is not safe, so please contact me. I began it the same day as www.mamasalwayswrite.com, one of my favorite blogs, a coincidence that I take very seriously.

I hope to be writing a lot more to you very soon.

Good night.

Chris